Why Dry Food Is Bad for Cats & Dogs

Why Dry Food Is Bad for Cats & Dogs

by | HA! Cats, HA! Digestion, HA! Nutrition

Updated 5/17/20.

As a holistic veterinarian and animal advocate with more than 25 years of experience and thousands of hours of research under my belt, I’ve concluded that dry food is not a fit diet for our cats and dogs–carnivores who need a meat-based diet.

I constantly try to make the case against feeding dry food. But it’s really a hard concept to get across to people. Against me are the convenience and relatively low cost of dry food; and those are powerful opponents.

In this article, I’ll give you 10 reasons why dry food is so very bad for pets so you’ll understand why, if you want optimal health and long life for your pet, dry food isn’t going to get you there.

1. Ingredients

Dry food is typically made from rendered ingredients, such as chicken meal, poultry by–product meal, and meat and bone meal (MBM). Rendering starts with animal-source ingredients being fed into a massive grinder to reduce them to chunks. The resulting hodgepodge is boiled at high temperatures for hours or even days, turning everything to mush. Fat floats to the top and is skimmed off for other uses. The remainder is dried to a low-moisture, high protein powder suitable for use in dry foods.

Some rendered products are better—or worse—than others. Chicken meal, for instance, is likely to be relatively pure, because the rendering plant is usually associated with a slaughterhouse that processes only chickens. On the other end of the spectrum, MBM is the “dumping ground” of the nastiest raw ingredients. These may include:

  • Non-meat parts from cattle, sheep, swine, or poultry, such as intestines, lungs, spleens, heads, hooves, udders, unborn fetuses, diseased or parasitized livers, cut-away tumors, and other parts unsuitable for human consumption
  • Restaurant waste and out-of-date supermarket meats
  • “Deads” (animals that died on the farm (whose carcasses may have been decomposing in the sun for days)
  • “Downers” (animals too sick or injured to walk into the slaughterhouse)

Because all of this ends up as an amorphous brown powder, it’s impossible to know what went into it. However, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) found that dog foods containing MBM and/or “animal fat” (both rendered ingredients) were the most likely to contain pentobarbital, the primary drug used to euthanize animals.

In some dry foods, such as those found at grocery stores, discount stores, and large pet supply stores, even rendered meat is too costly to make the needed profit, so manufacturers substitute rendered by-product meals and/or vegetable proteins such as corn gluten meal, soybean meal, and plant protein concentrates to get the protein up to minimum acceptable levels.

Other ingredients of the dough include carbohydrates, or starch (either grains or starchy vegetables), a vitamin-mineral premix, and water. Adult dogs and cats do not need any carbohydrates in their diet; all these starches do is provide calories. Because they aren’t a natural part of our carnivorous pals’ diets, most of those calories are quickly converted to fat. And then veterinarians wonder why we have a “pet obesity epidemic”!

Cost isn’t a reliable indicator of quality, although extremely cheap foods are bound to contain extremely cheap ingredients. The manufacturer has to buy ingredients, process them, bag and ship the finished food to a distributor, and at the same time pay for labor and overhead. Then the distributor stores the food and ultimately delivers the food to retail outlets. Those stores charge for shelf space to keep themselves in business. And yet, the food may sell for $1.50 a pound, while guaranteeing a profit for everyone along the way! The cost of all the ingredients in a $1.50/pound food can’t be more than 30 cents/pound. And if the manufacturer also promotes the food through expensive advertising, that cost has to be deducted, too.

A survey of dry cat food for sale at a popular internet pet site found a huge variation in the price and quality. As expected, generic and grocery-store type dry cat foods were less than $2.00 per pound, while “organic” and many “grain-free” foods were more in the $3.00 per pound range. But the most expensive foods were not grain free, organic, or natural; but rather were those most massively (and expensively) advertised. Science Diet’s Feline Indoor Maintenance rang up at an astonishing $3.96 per pound, despite containing not one single shred of real meat (mainly poultry by-product meal, rice, and corn). Don’t even ask about Hill’s Prescription Diets—but if you just gotta know, their “hypoallergenic” z/d formula is over $6.00 per pound!

2. Processing

To make dry food, whatever rendered high-protein meal is being used is mixed into a sticky, starchy dough that can be pressed through an extruder, which forms the kibble. The dough is forced by giant screws through a barrel and ultimately into tiny tubes that end in a shaped opening, much like a cake decorator. The heat and pressure in the extruder are tremendous. As the compressed dough exits into the air, it passes through a whirling mass of sharp knives that cuts the pieces individually as they “pop” when they reach normal air pressure, creating the familiar shapes associated with each pet food brand.

While heat processing makes vegetables, fruits, and grains more digestible, it has the opposite effect on proteins. Not only are cooked proteins less digestible, but they become distorted, or “denatured,” by heating. These abnormal proteins may be a factor in the development of food allergies, as the immune system reacts to these unfamiliar and unnatural shapes.

Enzymes, special proteins that aid in thousands of chemical reactions in the body, are especially fragile, and are rapidly destroyed by heat, even at relatively low temperatures. The normal food enzymes that would help digest the food are destroyed by the heat processing that dry food undergoes. This forces the pancreas to make up for those lost enzymes. Over time, the pancreas can become stressed and enlarged, and even get pushed into life-threatening pancreatitis.

3. Carbohydrates

Carbohydrates are molecules that contain carbon (C), hydrogen (H), and oxygen (O) —carbon and water (H2O) —in other words, “hydrated carbon.” The simplest carbohydrate is sugar; and all carbs are varying configurations of sugars. Fiber is a special type of carbohydrate made by plant cells to keep their cell walls rigid, allowing plants to grow upright from a relatively small base. It takes a special enzyme (cellulase) to digest fiber that dogs and cats do not have.

Dogs and cats are carnivores, meat-eaters. Their natural diet is high protein and high moisture. For example, a whole rat contains about 8% carbs. Natural prey (birds, rabbits, rodents, etc.) contain from 9-10% carbs. Most of this consists of glycogen, the storage form of sugar that the body stores in the muscles and liver; and some comes from undigested food in the prey’s gut. The carnivore’s ideal diet is essentially the Atkins diet: lots of protein and fat, and a small amount of complex carbohydrates from vegetables.

The average carb content of dry cat food is about 30% carbohydrates; but it ranges from 8% in EVO Cat and Kitten food (the carbs are replaced by 44% protein and an astronomical 47% fat), to 48% in Blue Buffalo Lite. Protein is the most expensive ingredient, and carbs the cheapest; so in general (but clearly not always!), cheaper foods contain more carbs.

While classified as carnivores, dogs (and humans) are, in practice, omnivorous, meaning they can use pretty much any food as fuel. They use carbs directly for energy by breaking them down to simple sugars. Sugars not needed for immediate energy, or to replenish glycogen stores in the liver and muscles, are turned into fat. This takes place through several biochemical pathways; but a major pathway used by most mammals (involving the enzyme glucokinase) is essentially absent in the cat. Strictly carnivorous cats preferentially use protein and fat for energy, and these pathways are mandatory. Felines can digest and absorb carbohydrates, but those carbs mostly turn quickly and directly into fat.

Another disadvantage of carbohydrates is that they have a high glycemic index; this means that they raise blood sugar higher and faster than other nutrients. Increased blood sugar triggers the release of the hormone insulin from the pancreas. Insulin allows sugars to be absorbed into cells, where they can be used for fuel. Without insulin, no matter how fuel-starved cells may be, sugars stay in the bloodstream.

Heat processing increases the glycemic index of carbohydrates. Corn—a common ingredient of dry food—has a glycemic index similar to a chocolate bar. When dry food is available all the time, cats in particular will nibble at it 15-20 times a day. This causes multiple sharp swings in blood sugar and requires the pancreas to secrete insulin each time. Over-secretion of insulin causes cells to down-regulate and become resistant to insulin. This is one reason why dry food is a major contributor to feline (Type II) diabetes. While dry food does not directly cause diabetes in dogs, it does contribute to metabolic syndrome, a pre-diabetic condition.

The pancreas also secretes bicarbonate to neutralize the acid in food coming from the stomach. Continual pancreatic stimulation also creates an alkaline environment in which urinary crystals and stones can easily form.

4. Calories

It’s currently estimated that more than 50% of dogs and cats in the U.S. are overweight, and many are seriously obese. Carrying extra weight isn’t cute or cuddly—it will shorten your pet’s life, create unnecessary discomfort, and will surely lead to one or more chronic diseases, such as diabetes, bladder and kidney disease, arthritis, liver failure, chronic gastrointestinal problems, poor immunity, and even cancer. You’re not doing your pet any favors by giving in to those big eyes, and those even bigger appetites, which are in most cases caused and perpetuated by dry food.

Dry food is a highly concentrated source of calories. Dry food, not canned food or any other high-moisture food, is where the calories are. Dry food is the leading cause of obesity in pets. Obesity by itself leads to many serious diseases, including:

  • Diabetes
  • Vomiting
  • Chronic Vomiting
  • Chronic Diarrhea
  • High Blood Pressure
  • Skin and Coat Problems
  • Hepatic Lipidosis (Liver Failure)
  • Pancreatitis
  • Arthritis
  • Heart Disease
  • Asthma
  • Allergic Skin Disease
  • Inflammatory Bowel Disease
  • Bladder Disease
  • Kidney Disease

5. Dehydration

Obviously, dry food is dry. This is a very big problem for cats, whose ancestors are desert-dwelling wild cats. They have passed on their super-efficient kidneys, which are designed to extract every last drop of moisture from prey animals. As a result, cats have a low thirst drive, and don’t drink water until they are about 3% dehydrated—a dehydration level so serious that most veterinarians would consider giving intravenous fluids. Dogs have a higher thirst drive and will drink more readily, so they are less prone to serious dehydration.

Dehydration causes or contributes to many serious health issues, including urinary crystals and stones, bladder infections, FLUTD, constipation, and kidney disease.

6. Potential Contaminants

Given the types of things manufacturers put in pet food, such as pesticide-soaked grains and diseased, dead, and dying animals, it is not surprising that bad things sometimes happen. Ingredients used in pet food are often highly contaminated with a wide variety of toxic substances. Some of these are destroyed by processing, but others are not.

Bacteria and Bacterial Toxins

Slaughtered animals, as well as those that have died because of disease, injury, or natural causes, are sources of meat, by-products, and rendered meals for pet food. Rendered products commonly found in dry pet food include chicken meal, poultry by-product meal, and meat and bone meal.

Animals that die on the farm may not be transported to the rendering plant for days after death. These carcasses can be heavily contaminated with bacteria such as Salmonella and E. Coli released from the decomposing digestive tract. Dangerous E. Coli bacteria are estimated to contaminate more than 50% of meat meals.

While the rendering process kills bacteria, it does not eliminate the endotoxins some bacteria produce during their growth. These toxins can survive processing, and can cause sickness and disease. Pet food manufacturers do not test their products for bacterial endotoxins.

In addition, flavorings such as “animal digest” that are sprayed onto dry food can easily become contaminated with Salmonella, as numerous recalls and human illnesses have proven. In 2012, Salmonella sent 49 people to the doctor after they simply touched dry pet food.

Drugs

Because sick or dead animals are frequently processed for pet foods, the drugs that were used to treat or euthanize them may still be present in their meat and organs. Penicillin and pentobarbital (the euthanasia drug) are just two of the drugs that can pass through processing unchanged. Antibiotics used in livestock production also contribute to antibiotic resistance in pets and people.

Mycotoxins

Toxins from mold or fungi are called mycotoxins. Modern farming practices, adverse weather conditions, and improper drying and storage of crops can contribute to mold growth. Pet food ingredients that are most likely to be contaminated with mycotoxins are grains such as wheat and corn; and fish meal. There have been many large pet food recalls in response to illness and death in pets due to a very powerful poison, called aflatoxin, in dry food. More than 100 dogs have been killed by this toxin by contaminated dry food.

Chemical Residues

Pesticides, herbicides, and fertilizers may leave residue on plant products. Grains that are condemned for human consumption by the USDA due to residue may legally be used in pet food. The USDA does not even test for glyphosate, the active ingredient in Monsanto’s Roundup®, so there may be any amount of it in either human or pet food!

GMOs

Genetically modified plant products are also of concern. As of 2015, 95% of the planted area of soybeans, 88% of cotton, and 95% of corn in the U.S. were genetically modified varieties. Corn in particular is heavily contaminated with glyphosate. Cottonseed meal is a common ingredient of cattle feed, as are soy and corn. Soy and corn are also used directly in many pet foods. A 2010 study found significant damage to the liver and kidneys of rats fed genetically modified corn, as well as an increase in tumors. Unless corn is specified to be organic, it is almost certainly loaded with glyphosate.

Acrylamide and Other Maillard Reaction Products (MRPs)

These carcinogenic compounds form at cooking temperatures of about 250˚F in foods that combine certain sugars and the amino acid asparagine (found in large amounts in potatoes and cereal grains). It forms during a chemical process called the Maillard Reaction. Most dry pet foods contain cereal grains or starchy vegetables such as potatoes, and they are processed at high temperatures (200–300°F at high pressure during extrusion; baked foods are cooked at well over 500°F). These conditions are perfect for the Maillard reaction. In fact, the Maillard reaction is desirable in the production of pet food because it imparts a palatable taste, even though it reduces the bioavailability of some amino acids, including taurine and lysine. The amount and potential effects of acrylamide and MRPs, many of which are toxic) in pet foods are unknown.

7. Preservatives

Preservatives are not needed in canned foods since canning is itself a preserving procedures. Dry food manufacturers need to ensure that dry foods have a long shelf life (typically 12 to 18 months) to remain edible through shipping and storage, fats used in pet foods are preserved with either synthetic or “natural” preservatives. Synthetic preservatives include butylated hydroxyanisole (BHA) and butylated hydroxytoluene (BHT), propyl gallate, propylene glycol (also used as a less-toxic version of automotive antifreeze), and ethoxyquin. For these antioxidants, there is little information documenting their toxicity, safety, interactions, or chronic use in pet foods that may be eaten every day for the life of the animal. Propylene glycol, which is what keeps semi-moist food and “bits” soft and chewy,  is banned in cat food because it causes anemia in cats, but it is still allowed in dog food.

Potentially cancer-causing agents such as BHA, BHT, and ethoxyquin are permitted at relatively low levels in pet and some human foods. The use of these chemicals in pet foods has not been thoroughly studied, and long term build-up of these agents may ultimately be harmful. Ethoxyquin has never been tested for safety in cats. Despite this, it is commonly used in well-known veterinary “prescription” diets.

8. Liver Disease

The liver is first in line to receive all the blood returning from the digestive tract. That’s because the liver is a major detoxifying organ, with enzyme systems in place to intercept and dismantle many potential poisons. Large numbers of white blood cells also reside in the liver, ready to attack invading organisms.

The liver is also responsible for making many proteins, such as albumin; it makes cholesterol, the base molecule for important hormones; and it produces bile, which is essential for digestion and absorption of fats.

Cats’ livers are particularly sensitive to dietary changes. If a cat does not eat, the liver gets stressed and starts calling for “reinforcements.” In the cat’s case, this consists of fat breakdown around the body, which the liver then grabs from the blood stream and packs into its cells. This extreme fat hoarding can become so serious that it prevents cells from functioning properly, and a life-threatening type of liver failure, called “hepatic lipidosis” (fatty liver disease) can result. Overweight cats, and cats eating mostly or only dry food, are most at risk.

9. Allergies and Asthma

You may have heard that 80% of the immune system is found in the gut. While that isn’t quite  accurate, huge numbers of white blood cells do live in groups (“Peyer’s Patches”) along the intestinal lining. That makes sense, since the gut is one of the primary routes of entry into the body for invading organisms, from viruses to worms.

As mentioned briefly above, the high-heat processing that dry food undergoes during manufacturing can denature proteins, meaning that it distorts their shape. To a protein, shape is everything, and only a protein in the correct shape will function properly. Shape is also how the immune system identifies proteins that belong in the body (“self”) versus foreign proteins. Viruses, bacteria, fungi, and other invaders are all identified by the proteins found on their surfaces. When an immune cell identifies a foreign protein, a whole cascade of signaling for reinforcements and production of antibodies is set into motion. Antibodies then scour the bloodstream looking for invaders matching their shape; when they find one, they latch on and signal for support. Inflammation is one of the primary responses.

When an abnormal protein is picked up by an immune cell and antibodies are produced, then every time that protein appears, antibodies flock to it and stimulate inflammation. More bad proteins = more inflammation.

The gut doesn’t take kindly to this reaction, and will start rejecting the food one way or another: vomiting, diarrhea, or both. Cats seem to be especially good at vomiting, and indeed, vomiting is the primary symptom of food allergies, as well as full-blown inflammatory bowel disease.

A true food allergy is different from a dietary intolerance—though the symptoms may be the same. An allergy involves the immune system, while an intolerance may simply be a reaction to something in the food—one of the colorings, texturizers, or other additives. Allergies are generally to proteins; but there are proteins not only in meat, but also in soy, corn, wheat, and other grains.

Both food allergies and dietary intolerances are more common with dry food. Fortunately, they both respond to dietary therapy.

10. Kidney and Bladder Stones

Both dogs and cats can develop inflammation, crystals, and stones in their bladders and kidneys. These conditions are exacerbated, if not outright caused, by dry food.

Cats get a condition called “Feline Lower Urinary Tract Disorder” (commonly referred to as FLUTD, LUTD, or sometimes by the older, outdated term, FUS—feline urologic syndrome) is not a single disease. In fact, it comes in at least three distinct varieties:

Cystitis

The term “cystitis” means “inflammation of the bladder.” The majority of LUTD cases (about 2/3) fall into the category of “idiopathic cystitis” (bladder inflammation of unknown cause). This syndrome in cats is very similar to interstitial cystitis in women. It is rare for bacteria to be involved—most are “sterile” inflammations. (Diabetics and elderly cats are more prone to get bacterial infections because their defenses are compromised.)

Crystalluria

Crystalluria is a condition where mineral crystals form in the bladder. There are many types of crystals in dogs, but only two are common in cats: struvite (also called magnesium-ammonium-phosphate), and calcium oxalate. Male cats who block usually have crystals that are held together in a matrix with mucus from the irritated bladder. This “plug” can slither down the urethra, where it can become stuck where the urethra narrows at its end.

Urolithiasis

A “lith” is a stone, and of course “uro” means it’s in the urinary system. Only about 20% of LUTD cases involve bladder stones—about half of these are struvite, and half are calcium oxalate stones. They form most easily when the urine is very concentrated, which maximizes the chances of the components—which are all normally in urine—banging and sticking together into crystals or stones. Struvite stones can be dissolved by temporarily feeding an acidifed veterinary diet (the canned version, please!), but calcium oxalate stones must be removed surgically.

Dogs also get cystitis, crystals, and stones. However, in dogs, these conditions are far more likely to be caused by bacteria, partly because so many dogs must hold their urine for many hours while their guardians are at work or school. The urinary system’s natural defenses include urine flowing through and washing bacteria out along with it. When urine is held, bacteria have many hours to colonize the bladder and start causing havoc.

The best way to prevent all bladder problems is to keep lots of fluid flowing through the urinary system to flush these problem particles out. The dehydrating quality of dry food produces highly concentrated urine that is much more likely to form crystals and stones. Wet food is needed to keep the urinary tract healthy; and it’s essential in any dog or cat with a history of bladder disease.

What to Do

To give your pet the moisture and protein content that are so necessary for good health, try canned, homemade, or raw food.

Even though canned food is processed, it’s cooked only once (briefly at lower heat), rather than twice at high heat for dry food (once when the animal products are rendered, and again during extrusion). Canned food also tends to have a much higher protein content than dry food.

Homemade food is ideal, if you are following a balanced recipe.

Warning: Most “cookbooks” and recipes on the internet are NOT balanced, and can cause serious harm over time. When you make your pet’s food, you are 100% in control of the quality of the ingredients, and you can add additional supplements depending on your pet’s individual needs, rather than getting a “one size fits all” commercial pet food.

Raw Meat Safety

Raw, meat-based diets can be made at home, or purchased frozen or freeze-dried. Even just adding a little raw meat to any commercial diet will be an improvement. However, raw meat is always contaminated with bacteria, and may even harbor worms and other parasites. Dogs and cats are quite resistant to Salmonella, Campylobacter, and other common meat contaminants; and parasite eggs and cysts can be rendered harmless by freezing at -4oF for three days before using.

For Dr. Jean’s best-selling ebook “What Cats Should Eat” (including an updated list of Dr. Jean’s recommended brands by name), please visit her Bookstore or Amazon.com. For our canine pals, “Paleo Dog” has information not only on diet, but also lifestyle: holistic health care, vaccination, and much, much more!

Slippery elm

Slippery elm

by | HA! Alternative Therapies, HA! Supplements

Herbs and Pets

As you may know, it is potentially dangerous to give herbs to pets, especially cats. Many people commonly extrapolate a dose of herbs by using the pet’s weight compared to the “standard” 150-pound human. A large dog, however, has a comparatively slow metabolism, while a small dog’s rapid heart rate and high energy level may make it difficult to get the desired effect. Cats have very different metabolism and enzymes, and many compounds that are safe for humans and dogs (like aspirin) can be toxic to cats.

Slippery Elm (Ulmus fulva) is an exception to the fears and cautions surrounding the use of herbs in animals. It is very safe and non-toxic. The part of the tree used is the inner bark, which is soft and stringy. Simplest to use is the powdered form, which can be purchased in bulk, or pre-packed in capsules, at most health food stores. It is readily available over the Internet from herb suppliers.

North American elm trees have been decimated by Dutch Elm Disease; make sure your source ethically and responsibly harvests their products, like Oregon’s Wild Harvest Slippery Elm Organic Capsules; and do not use more than you need! Alternatively, Marshmallow root can be substituted for most applications.

Slippery Elm Properties

Herbalists attribute many wonderful healing properties to Slippery Elm:

  • Demulcent (soothing, mucilage-forming)
  • Emollient (soothing and protective for skin)
  • Nutritive (providing specific food nutrients)
  • Tonic (promoting healthy function of one or more body systems)
  • Astringent (constricting, binding or drying effect)

Slippery Elm Uses

It can be used both internally and externally. Slippery Elm is one of the herbs used in the original formulation of “Essiac,” an herbal brew widely promoted as a cancer-fighter.

Gastrointestinal

In the gastrointestinal tract, Slippery Elm acts directly. It can be thought of as a sort of natural “Pepto-Bismol.” (Pepto-Bismol itself should not be used because it contains salicylate, a.k.a. aspirin). Its mucilage content coats, soothes, and lubricates the mucus membranes lining the digestive tract. Slippery Elm is an excellent treatment for ulcers, gastritis, colitis, and other inflammatory bowel problems. It is high in fiber, and so helps normalize intestinal action; it can be used to relieve both diarrhea and constipation. It may also help alleviate nausea and vomiting in pets suffering from non-GI illnesses, such as kidney disease. A syrup made from Slippery Elm Bark can be used to help heal mouth ulcers from all causes (see recipe below).

Inflammatory Conditions

Slippery Elm is said to relieve inflammation of virtually any mucus membrane, and has been used in the treatment of inflammatory conditions of the lungs (bronchitis, asthma), kidneys, bladder (cystitis, FLUTD symptoms), throat (tonsillitis), and joints (arthritis).

Nutrition

Slippery Elm contains many nutrients (carbohydrates, protein, fat, ascorbic acid, beta-carotene, calcium, and several trace minerals) that can be beneficial for recuperating pets, and it may stay down when other foods are not tolerated. It is known as a “survival” food; George Washington and his troops survived for days during the bitter winter at Valley Forge eating nothing but gruel made from Slippery Elm bark. However, Slippery Elm may interfere with the absorption of certain minerals and pharmaceuticals, so is best given separately from any concurrent drug therapy.

Urinary Tract

In the case of cystitis (bladder inflammation), Slippery Elm is thought to soothe the bladder lining. However, it is somewhat high in magnesium, so may be contraindicated in dogs who have an active infection with an elevated urinary pH, where struvite crystal formation may be a risk. (In cats, urinary tract infections are very rarely bacterial.) Slippery Elm bark contains natural pentosans, a class of complex sugars that contains the same compound found in the drug “Elmiron®,”the major pain-relieving treatment for interstitial cystitis (IC) in women. Pentosan has been used by the pharmaceutical industry as an anti-coagulant and anti-inflammatory for more than 40 years. (Anti-coagulant effects are not seen with normal oral administration.) Since bladder disease in cats is very similar to that in women, slippery elm may be especially beneficial for our feline friends. Small, frequent dosages of pentosan has been shown in humans to be more effective than single large doses.

External Use

Externally, a soothing paste of Slippery Elm powder (mix the powder with a little cold water) can be used as a poultice for hot spots, insect burns, rashes, scratches, ulcerated areas, or other shallow wounds. Native Americans used Slippery Elm bark to stop bleeding. It forms a natural “bandage” that can be left in place for several hours, if you can convince your dog to leave it alone! Moisten with water to remove it.

Internal Use

To give internally, mix about 1/4 teaspoon of Slippery Elm bark powder with cold water for every 10 pounds of body weight. For very small dogs, it is fine to use the same 1/4 teaspoon dose. The bulk powder may be very fluffy, so pack it down as much as possible to measure it. Alternatively, use 1/2 capsule (per 10 pounds), opened and the contents mixed with water. Slippery Elm powder will absorb many times its own weight in water, so be sure to add enough to make a moderately thick gruel. This gruel can be given before meals by syringe or eyedropper, or added to baby food, canned food, or a homemade diet. It has a slightly sweet taste and is usually well-tolerated by cats and dogs when mixed with food. Give a dose 5 to 30 minutes before meals for sore throat, and before or with meals for digestive tract problems, such as inflammatory bowel disease, until symptoms resolve.

NOTE: Slippery Elm may interfere with absorption of medications; and long-term use may have some effect on nutrient absorption. It may be best to give Slippery Elm at a different time, separate from medications. Please discuss use of all supplements and herbs with your veterinarian.

Slippery Elm Syrup

Recipe

Author Anitra Frazier gives the following recipe for Slippery Elm Bark syrup in her book, The New Natural Cat, which applies equally well to our canine companions when adjusted for weight:

  • Into a small saucepan place 1/2 cup cold water and 1 teaspoon powdered slippery elm bark. Whip with a fork.
  • Bring to simmer over low flame, stirring constantly.
  • Simmer 1 or 2 minutes or until slightly thickened.
  • Cool and refrigerate. Keeps 7 or 8 days.
  • Give a teaspoon of syrup (5 cc) for an average-size cat (again, about 10 pounds) 5 minutes before a meal to minimize diarrhea, or to soothe and heal mouth ulcers.

Slippery Elm bark is inexpensive and easy to use; it would be a great addition to your holistic medicine chest!

IMPORTANT! Slippery Elm should have a very mild, slightly sweet taste. Several people have reported that the Slippery Elm bark they were using tasted bitter, or turned bitter with time. The cause is unknown, but it can’t be a good sign! Therefore I must recommend that you personally taste the slurry or syrup each and every time before you give it to your pet, and if it tastes bad–don’t use it!

Relief for Declawed Cats

Relief for Declawed Cats

by | HA! Cats

So, your cat is declawed: maybe it was done prior to adoption; or a landlord or  family member may have insisted on declawing, your veterinarian may have talked you into it, or you just didn’t know at the time how physically and psychologically damaging declawing is. But at this point the damage is done, and it is irreversible. Now what? 

Fortunately, there are things you can do for a declawed cat to help relieve pain and improve quality of life.

Therapies That May Aid Declawed Cats

  1. If you think your cat may be experiencing declaw pain, it is not enough to simply give the cat a painkiller. There is a detailed protocol available for this unique type of pain (see Chronic Pain of Declawing for more information, including the most common signs of declaw pain). At the very least, a therapeutic trial with gabapentin, an anti-seizure medication, is called for. It is a safe, inexpensive drug that could provide major relief; and if it is at least partially effective, that would be a good rationale for going through the whole formal protocol.
  2. The meridian therapy EFT can be very helpful in relieving pain as well as psychological effects (such as anger, frustration, sadness, depression, guilt). Click here to read an amazing article on using EFT for declawed cats.
  3. Energy work is extremely important. Reiki is excellent for this. Also, I’ve heard of a few healers that have experimented with energetically “rebuilding” cats’ paws. (Sorry, I don’t know of anybody in particular who does this, but many energy healers may be willing to try.)
  4. Flower essences are wonderful for overall healing, alleviating both physical and psychological pain, and helping with behavioral issues that may arise from declawing. Spirit Essences has a special “Declaw Remedy” designed specifically for this purpose.
  5. Homeopathy may be helpful. For example, the homeopathic remedy Hypericum is specific to pain in fingers and toes. A high potency may be needed; please consult an experienced homeopathic veterinarian for guidance on the correct remedy, dosage, and timing.
  6. Massaging and stretching the toes and paws to minimize tendon contraction; this may also prevent the arthritis that commonly develops over time.
  7. Flexor tendonectomy salvage surgery is an option for painful cats, cats with bone fragments (a common problem that occurs due to poor surgical technique), or those who develop behavioral problems as a result of declawing. Your veterinarian can read this reference:  Cooper MA, Laverty PH, Soiderer EE. Bilateral flexor tendon contracture following onychectomy in 2 cats. Can Vet J. 2005 March; 46(3): 244–246. Dr. Ron Gaskin of Main Street Veterinary Service is currently performing this surgery with 100% positive results. 

Sadly, nothing can reverse the physical damage of declawing, but at least we may be able to help declawed cats feel better and be happier despite it.

Cat-to-Cat Introductions

Cat-to-Cat Introductions

by | HA! Cats, HA! Staying Healthy

By Jackson Galaxy (Updated 7/17/21)

Let them work it out?

The common wisdom in introducing a newly adopted cat to a resident one in the past was to open the carrying case and “let them work it out.”

We most definitely have a new way of looking at things; from the cat’s perspective.

Cats are, after all, about territory. Bring a new, utterly alien scent of the same species into the house, and more times than not, we’re asking for chaos.

Of course everyone has a story about introducing two cats that went smoothly doing the old fashioned technique. The point to stress is, if it goes poorly, this one meeting is the association that these two cats will hold onto for quite a long time and make a peaceable kingdom a difficult task. It is, ultimately, better to be safe than sorry.

Let cats dictate the pace

It is crucial to recognize that it’s the cats who dictate the pace. With some, things go smoothly from the start, and they’re ready to be best pals in a matter of days.

However, it is much more likely to take longer–weeks to months! We cannot emphasize this too much:

It’s not up to you to decide how long each step should take! The cats themselves will signal when they’re ready to go to the next step. If you move too fast, you will jeopardize the whole process.

Set up a base camp

A slow and steady introduction starts with the establishment of a base camp for the newcomer (see our article on setting up base camp). Once you’ve set up his or her space, you’re ready to start letting the cats make positive associations between one another.

This is key, and will be repeated ad infinitum; all associations between the cats during this critical period have to be as pleasing as possible to reduce possible friction when they finally have free access.

Start with food

Let’s start with one of the most pleasing motivators—food! Feeding time will happen at the door of base camp until introduction is complete.

If the resident cat is not on a scheduled feeding diet, it might be best to put him or her on one for now. Or, if you leave dry food out and supplement with wet food, greatly decrease the amount of dry so that wet feeding time is looked forward to more.

Remember that the only time either cat gets wet food is during these “meet and greets” at the base camp door, which can be divided into two daily sessions.

Place food bowls on either side of the door with a couple of feet of breathing room for each cat. Ideally, there should be a family member on either side of the door to praise each cat as they eat.

The idea is that they are rewarded with food for being so close to the scent of the unfamiliar cat, and also rewarded by you with praise for eating.

At this initial point, the door should be closed; the cats can smell one another just fine. If they don’t devour their food at first, that’s okay. They will eventually eat. Don’t give in and move the food.

Close the gap

The next step is to open the door just a tiny crack, giving the cats limited visual access to each other.

How soon do you move on to this step?

As with all steps in introduction, pay attention to the cats; let their body language tell you when they are comfortable enough to move on. Remember that proceeding too quickly will force you to jump backwards by anywhere from a few days to a few weeks. Slow and steady definitely wins this race.

We need to remain safe, so use rubber doorstops on either side of the introduction door to prevent any more than visual accessibility. If the door is too high off the ground to use stops, or if one or both cats are muscling the door open, try using a hook and eye setup. Instead of using it to lock a door shut, you would employ it backwards, to give us just a couple of inches of cracked space between the door and the jamb.

Again, the time required in moving from step to step is determined by your observation and the cats’ level of comfort.

Keep cracking the door further until each cat could, if they wished, bat at one another—first up to the elbow joint then all the way to the shoulder, just making sure not to leave enough room to let a head get through. The object of “the game” is to give them enough rope to succeed. If they fail, just go back to the previous step.

Scent and site swapping

Other tricks to use during the introduction period are “scent swapping” and “site swapping.”

In scent swapping, we take a washcloth per cat and rub them down with it, making sure to go across their cheeks, head, sides, and around the base of the tail. Then, present the other cat with the scent of the washcloth in a conspicuous part of their territory, perhaps near a favored sleeping spot or near (but respecting the space of) their food or water. This will start getting them accustomed to the new facts of life; their space will have to be shared with one another, and better to have this fact introduced by scent than sight.

Site swapping relies on more paws-on physical exploration of one another’s space. Once a day, switch the two cats. The new cat gets to explore the house while the resident cat is base camp to freely explore the scent of new arrival without the fear of retribution. This process is best done with a human partner just to make sure the cats don’t inadvertently get in each other’s way while trading places; but if you don’t have help, try putting the resident in, say, a bedroom. When the new cat heads for the kitchen or other area out of sight, move the resident cat into base camp. Both cats should get the praise and encouragement they need/deserve in bravely going where they have not gone before!

Don’t forget to play!

Don’t forget, during this entire process, to play with the cats!

This may seem elementary, but remember, they are just energetic balloons naturally, and even more so during these intense times of stress. Of course, you will have separate play sessions during the introduction phase. Once they’ve met and cohabitated for a bit, group playtime will be another wonderful way of diverting aggression they might have towards one another into a positive route. Refer to our article on play therapy to learn the ins and outs of keeping them both as happy as possible during the period of adjustment.

Additional support

Additionally, consider flower essences to help both (or all) cats get through the initial introduction period with the least amount of stress and anxiety. Jackson Galaxy Solutions has many formulas to choose from, depending on the personalities involved, including Peacemaker, Ultimate Peacemaker, and Safe Space for Cats.

The big move – protect yourself first

When you think it’s time to let them be in the territory together at the same time, take precautions. If a fight breaks out, do not try to break it up with your hands!

Unfortunately, this is most of the time our first instinct. You are almost sure to be clawed and bitten, and it will not be pretty. In the heat of the moment, the cats will not be able to distinguish between your arm and each other, and they will have no inhibition about attacking whatever is handy, even if it’s you.

Instead, have an immediate barrier like a couple of large, thick towels or blankets at the ready. You can toss them over the cats to disorient them, and immediately relocate them by scooping them up inside the towel (to protect yourself).

There is no need to follow this up with a scolding. That will not do anything except increase the cats’ agitation, which is just what you don’t need! Let the event pass with each cat in their own “time-out”, and start again fresh tomorrow—at the very beginning. Also make sure that when the two cats meet, they have escape routes from one another. Getting cornered is a sure recipe for a fight in the mind of a defense-minded animal like a cat.

Keep a close eye on all interactions for the first week or so, not letting the cats have free access to one another when nobody is home.

Finally, keep the food and litter setup established in the base camp room, at least for the next while. The accepted “recipe” is three litterboxes for two cats (to be precise, 1 box per cat + 1), so bear that in mind. Also bear in mind escape routes from the boxes, as the last place we want a skirmish to erupt is while one of the cats is having a “private moment.” They should be able to see as much of the room around them as possible when in the litterbox, which is why uncovered boxes are best.

This should pretty well cover the bases for the initial introduction between your cats. Of course there are always variables, but the broken record theme should get you going:

  • do it slow—there’s always tomorrow to make another positive impression.
  • They can, over time, learn that every time they view or smell the other, something good will happen.
  • Do it too quickly and that negative first impression might very well be the one that lasts.

Watch a short (11 min.) video on cat-to-cat introductions below.

When Guilt Prevents Grief

When Guilt Prevents Grief

by | HA! Pet Love & Loss

Article by adjunct faculty, Dalma Heyn, Pet-Loss Grief Specialist, Psychotherapist

When I speak with pet-parents whose beloved companion animal has died, I often encounter an emotion I rarely encounter with someone whose friend or family member has died: GUILT. 

When-Guilt-Prevents-Grief

Guilt can take hold as a result of the anger we almost inevitably feel when our beloved animal is no longer here, playing with his toys, eating his dinner, romping at the end of a leash or in the yard.  Yes, we’re angry when a spouse dies, or a parent, or a friend, but rarely have we had the responsibilities we have with a pet.  

Rarely are we in almost total control of another human being. Think of it: We feed, walk, play with our pets and — this is important — make all the decisions surrounding their end-of-life care. 

And here’s the rub: Everything is on us: Chemo or no chemo? Euthanasia or no euthanasia? Is the pain too much—or just too much for me? On and on it goes….all of it is in our hands. The shock of the actual death, however it comes, reminds us of these agonizing decisions and makes us question them over and over (and over) again.

Some people direct their anger at someone else—placing blame for not being perfect, not saving the life, not doing something…. on a vet, a tech person, or a family member.

Others turn that blame against themselves: that’s the guilt I’m referring to. So I hear: “I should have given her favorite treat on her last day and I didn’t have it in the house”; “I couldn’t afford the treatment for cancer that the vet recommended, and I wish I’d been able to”; “I gave him wrong homeopathic and so she suffered so much.”  There’s no end to the ways we can find to beat ourselves up when heartbroken.  And of course, we’ve rarely done anything wrong. We didn’t have total control of the end, is all….and that makes us mad.

“It’s crucial to understand this because guilt,

 like blame, is truly a waste of time”  

Okay, so how does this power inform our response to pet-loss grief? I believe it is this: We know our companion animals have shorter lifespans than we do (that’s the we-cannot-control part). So, we should plan on the inevitability of the death of our pets–because it’s our lack of preparation that makes terrible surprises hurt even more.  Stoics teach us to face, process and deal with grief immediately, instead of running from it with delaying tactics, like blame and guilt and anger.

We can’t bring back our darlings.  What’s more, guilt literally prevents the all-important grieving process. Guilt is not one of the stages of grief. Guilt interrupts the normal, healthy, important, and ultimately healing process which, when allowed to unfold, actually restores our relationship with our companion animal.  So unless we have a need to impede that lovely outcome, we must grapple with and find a way to get rid of guilt.

It’s a huge subject, and one that I’ll be returning to.

Until next time….

Dalma

Click here to see all Dalma’s posts.

 

Dalma Heyn, MSW, LMSW, is a therapist, author and certified pet-loss grief specialist, who lives at the Connecticut shore with her scruffy, fluffy Havanese, Luna. Dalma graduated from The University of Southern California with a degree in psychology and English, and from New York University with a MA degree in social work.

Speaking and writing about human intimate relationships for so many years brought her to another kind of intimate relationship: the one we have with our companion animals. Dalma finds that many aspects of this love are woefully underestimated, for reasons she discusses here with other passionate readers on this site. Her mission is to shed light on this important reciprocal love–which she believes can transform the inevitable loss of our pets from an unbearable experience to a meaningful and healing one. Dalma is now available for consultations for our members.

Can One Truly Prepare For Pet Loss?

Can One Truly Prepare For Pet Loss?

by | HA! Pet Love & Loss

Article by adjunct faculty, Dalma Heyn, Pet-Loss Grief Specialist, Psychotherapist

When practice doesn’t make perfect…

Last time I spoke about some of the ancient Stoics’ ideas for having a better life. Dr. Jeff and I were taken by, among other good things, their focus on lessening the pain of loss by consciously, deliberately, planning for it well in advance.

We cannot control events—like hurricanes, or death—but, they believe, we can prepare for them and thus control our emotional response to them when they do happen.

Most of us tend to be averse to thinking about the future’s scary things – particularly, in our culture, death and dying. This aversion holds true even though we who have companion animals know, intellectually anyway, that we’ll likely be around at the end of their lives. Even so, we hate to think about it too much. Stoics advise us to look it right in the eye and, instead of running from it, plan for it.

As I looked more deeply into their thinking, I noticed something in me that I wanted to share here. I realized that, unless one has practiced this kind of disciplined mind-control for many years, we’re likely to fall short of success in the case of pet loss.

We may know that our beloved pets’ lives are shorter than our own, and we may even plan for it as well as we know how. But, in my experience, we cannot imagine how desperately unhappy their deaths are likely to make us; we just can’t comprehend, in the abstract, this onslaught of emotion.

The theory and practice of doing what we can to anticipate this loss may be healthy, and is probably the most we can do to prepare for the pain. But the stunning force of the loss when it happens can simply knock the wind out of us.

It’s this gut punch, the sudden immersion in a sea of emotion, that my clients say overwhelms them. I share this not to dismiss an important and helpful ancient practice, but to offset any shame and guilt that may crop up when doing all that homework, all that hopeful acceptance of the inevitable, fails us anyway.

Think of the years-long preparations to shore up levy systems, strengthen power grids, and build competent flood walls, in southwestern Florida, before Hurricane Ian smashed everything to bits. As careful as their planning was; as hard and long as they worked to prepare; who can deny that the storm’s devastation simply defied all preparations? 

Does this mean Florida shouldn’t have prepared for the storm? Of course not. Does it mean that the Stoics’ techniques for offsetting pain are useless? Not at all. But it does mean that sometimes, try as we might to insure against our own devastation, physical or emotional, when what we planned for comes to pass, we have no idea what hit us.

If and when that happens, dear pet parents, it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Emotion is a wild thing, not easily controlled. And the really good news is that there is a whole community right here that understands and will support you in every way possible.

Until next time….

Dalma

Click here to see all Dalma’s posts.

 

Dalma Heyn, MSW, LMSW, is a therapist, author and certified pet-loss grief specialist, who lives at the Connecticut shore with her scruffy, fluffy Havanese, Luna. Dalma graduated from The University of Southern California with a degree in psychology and English, and from New York University with a MA degree in social work.

Speaking and writing about human intimate relationships for so many years brought her to another kind of intimate relationship: the one we have with our companion animals. Dalma finds that many aspects of this love are woefully underestimated, for reasons she discusses here with other passionate readers on this site. Her mission is to shed light on this important reciprocal love–which she believes can transform the inevitable loss of our pets from an unbearable experience to a meaningful and healing one. Dalma is now available for consultations for our members.

Can Stoics Teach Us Something About Pet Loss?

Can Stoics Teach Us Something About Pet Loss?

by | HA! Pet Love & Loss

Article by adjunct faculty, Dalma Heyn, Pet-Loss Grief Specialist, Psychotherapist

“Don’t complain about what was taken away; be thankful for what you were given, and how long you were given it,” – A teaching of Stoicism

“Let’s talk about Stoicism,” Dr. Jeff wrote to me one day in an email.

“You mean the ancient one—like, Marcus Aurelius?” 

“Yes. And Epictetus.”

“Epictetus?” I wrote back. “Who is he?”

So, I asked Dr. Jeff to give me a little time before we talked, so I could bone up on this ancient philosophy about which I knew very little. And on Epictetus.

What did I discover? What does this ancient philosophy have to tell us about grief and grieving?

By the way, we’re not referring to the famously ultra-controlled response to pain illustrated by people we would call stoic, with a lower-case “s”. My response to a client greeting the death of a beloved pet with a stiff upper lip is usually to wonder, “What is he holding in? What is he afraid to let out—and why?” I usually say, “Come, let’s explore these difficult emotions together, so you don’t have to feign braveness.”

This, I believe, is what Dr. Jeff was onto: Stoics’ idea—their ideal, really– of achieving a better life by ridding themselves of unnecessary anxiety and pain. They urge followers to control that which is in their power to control, while completely letting go of that which is not.  In many ways, this is like Zen Buddhism—strange as that seems—in that the goal is to achieve a contentment in life that can only come from within. A Zen practice uses meditation to achieve inner harmony; A Stoic practice uses a variety of coping strategies to achieve it: Daily gratitude. Planning ahead for negative events.

On the podcast called The Daily Stoic, I learned that this is called the “dichotomy of control.” You ask, “Is it up to me? Then I’ll think about it. If it is NOT up to me, then I won’t!”  Solve a problem if you can, let it go entirely if you cannot.

The idea is that life throws you many curveballs that you can’t control. But Stoics believe your decisions, actions, thoughts, and even emotions are up to you — and that you can choose how to respond to these curveballs. And as Epictetus, who turns out to have once been a slave but who became one of Stoicism’s first great leaders, put it (and I paraphrase):

“Circumstances sometimes cannot be changed. But your mind can.  Which means you have power.”  

Okay, so how does this power inform our response to pet-loss grief? I believe it is this: We know our companion animals have shorter lifespans than we do (that’s the we-cannot-control part). So, we should plan on the inevitability of the death of our pets–because it’s our lack of preparation that makes terrible surprises hurt even more.  Stoics teach us to face, process and deal with grief immediately, instead of running from it with delaying tactics, like blame and guilt and anger.  

Find the positive in a pet’s death if you can, but then sit with your pain and accept it, remembering that it’s a part of life. 

What do you think about this interesting strategy? My next blog will be about whether I believe this equanimity can possibly be achieved without years of practice. I have many thoughts on this….and I hope you do, too. Please write to me at [email protected] if you want to weigh in! I always welcome your input.

Until next time….

Dalma

Click here to see all Dalma’s posts.

 

Dalma Heyn, MSW, LMSW, is a therapist, author and certified pet-loss grief specialist, who lives at the Connecticut shore with her scruffy, fluffy Havanese, Luna. Dalma graduated from The University of Southern California with a degree in psychology and English, and from New York University with a MA degree in social work.

Speaking and writing about human intimate relationships for so many years brought her to another kind of intimate relationship: the one we have with our companion animals. Dalma finds that many aspects of this love are woefully underestimated, for reasons she discusses here with other passionate readers on this site. Her mission is to shed light on this important reciprocal love–which she believes can transform the inevitable loss of our pets from an unbearable experience to a meaningful and healing one. Dalma is now available for consultations for our members.

Pet Loss – You Did the Best You Could

Pet Loss – You Did the Best You Could

by | HA! Pet Love & Loss

Article by adjunct faculty, Dalma Heyn, Pet-Loss Grief Specialist, Psychotherapist

“If I hadn’t taken Scout on that hike in the heat, she wouldn’t have died.” — Sarah, pet-parent

This is the first thing Sarah told me when we met, two days after the death of her beloved Corgi, Scout. I knew we had to take action against this pernicious second-guessing, her guilt.  While guilt is not included in Elisabeth Kubler Ross’s five stages of grief (which do include, but not necessarily in this order, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance), it is prevalent among grieving pet-parents. 

Why? Well, after all, we were in total control of our pet’s life: feeding, training, walking, playing with, and loving her. Suddenly, she is gone. How could we have had no control over that? “You could have, but you blew it!”, our subconscious says. So we ruminate as Sarah did: Should we have given her chemo? Should we not have given her chemo? Was euthanasia really called for?  Could we have arranged to pay for those medical bills if we’d tried harder?  Did we arrange the timing of her death for her or for our own convenience? The self-doubt goes on and on.

I want to say, first, that usually, guilt is unwarranted. In most cases, nothing we could have done or not done could have prevented our darling companion animal’s demise. But our minds race to self -blame like the proverbial moth to a flame.  And there, in the fire, it invents an imaginary control we wish we’d had and are convinced we should have had.  And it won’t budge (“I shouldn’t have taken my dog for that last walk;”  “I shouldn’t have given her that last bite of meat”…etc.). If only; if only…..

And this is most important: Guilt prevents grieving. 

If we don’t work through self-blame, we stay stuck, sometimes for years, covering and delaying all the emotions inherent in the grieving process. We must see guilt as a mind game in this context: a tool ostensibly to protect us from pain, but really inhibiting the healing offered by facing the revitalizing emotional journey ahead.

Until next time….

Dalma

Click here to see all Dalma’s posts.

 

Dalma Heyn, MSW, LMSW, is a therapist, author and certified pet-loss grief specialist, who lives at the Connecticut shore with her scruffy, fluffy Havanese, Luna. Dalma graduated from The University of Southern California with a degree in psychology and English, and from New York University with a MA degree in social work.

Speaking and writing about human intimate relationships for so many years brought her to another kind of intimate relationship: the one we have with our companion animals. Dalma finds that many aspects of this love are woefully underestimated, for reasons she discusses here with other passionate readers on this site. Her mission is to shed light on this important reciprocal love–which she believes can transform the inevitable loss of our pets from an unbearable experience to a meaningful and healing one. Dalma is now available for consultations for our members.

How Long Is It Normal to Mourn the Loss of My Pet?

How Long Is It Normal to Mourn the Loss of My Pet?

by | HA! Pet Love & Loss

Article by adjunct faculty, Dalma Heyn, Pet-Loss Grief Specialist, Psychotherapist

“Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.” –Mae West

Early in my career, I was struck by the difference between a young woman’s strong sense of herself before marriage, and her surprising loss of self after. How could this be? Why were my clients coming to me saying “I don’t feel like ME anymore?” a year after entering an institution they desired to be in? Where did their “me” go?

To grossly oversimplify, the answer lies in a clash between what society tells us to be (in the case of married women, they “should” be endlessly loving and giving and selfless) and who we really are. 

How does this clash affect pet parents? One way shows up is when we lose our companion animals. Even when our families support our profound grief and accept our outpouring of emotion, societal messages do not. Instead, these messages offer heartless, futile advice: Buck up. Be strong. Get over it. Move on. Get another dog. Don’t take it so hard.

Quote

Oh really? I think of so many clients who say they covered intense feelings of loss for years because they tried so hard to follow this military-style advice to be strong. They hid their pain, forced themselves to go back to work—and now, years later, still cry at the thought of their beloved animal. Constrained by cultural messages that didn’t validate either their love for their pet or their feelings of intense loss when it died, they couldn’t express their grief openly.  

So I say to pet parents what I said years ago to married women:

What do institutions know about pleasure or pain? What does our society know about your profound love and agonizing loss? Society doesn’t think about us as individuals, so it’s best not to adhere to its “rules” when it comes to something so personal as how deeply and how long you mourn your pet loss.

Click here to see all Dalma’s posts.

Dalma Heyn, MSW, LMSW, is a therapist, author and certified pet-loss grief specialist, who lives at the Connecticut shore with her scruffy, fluffy Havanese, Luna. Dalma graduated from The University of Southern California with a degree in psychology and English, and from New York University with a MA degree in social work.

Speaking and writing about human intimate relationships for so many years brought her to another kind of intimate relationship: the one we have with our companion animals. Dalma finds that many aspects of this love are woefully underestimated, for reasons she discusses here with other passionate readers on this site. Her mission is to shed light on this important reciprocal love–which she believes can transform the inevitable loss of our pets from an unbearable experience to a meaningful and healing one. Dalma is now available for consultations for our members.

It’s OK to Take Time to Grieve the Loss of Your Pet

It’s OK to Take Time to Grieve the Loss of Your Pet

by | HA! Pet Love & Loss

Article by adjunct faculty, Dalma Heyn, Pet-Loss Grief Specialist, Psychotherapist

QUESTION: Why is grieving the loss of a beloved pet different from grieving the loss of a beloved relative or friend?

The answers lie largely in our culture’s perception of whom we should love; whom we should honor when they die; and how much pain we should be in when they do. 

No one questions the importance of the loss of our human loved ones. We have rituals that honor them; a grace period to allow us to mourn. And, even if that grace period proves insufficient for the mourner (and I will go on record here saying it IS insufficient), it at least validates the process and sanctions the pain.

Not so for those who lose a companion animal. Family members and friends often question the importance of the pet, and so, discount the depth of the grief the pet parent goes through.

“Hey, it’s just a cat! Get another one!”, they say. Or,“it’s been a month. Time to move on.”

Grief is the price we pay for love

This lack of understanding of our bond with our pets is not only undermining, it leaves us feeling misunderstood and alienated.  (We’ll talk more about this phenomenon—known as “disenfranchised grief”–in other blog posts.) No one means to be cruel, but invalidating both the object of our grief, our connection to him or her, and the depth of our pain, can make us reluctant and ashamed to express that pain.

And therein lies a huge problem.

It’s a psychological truth that burying feelings only intensifies them.

Unprocessed, they will return and return and return. I know people who, having swallowed their pain for years, still weep uncontrollably at a mention of a pet they buried decades ago. So please, remember: No one has the right to belittle either the worthiness of your pet to receive so much emotion, nor to belittle you for feeling so much emotion. Grieving is a process of healing, and healing requires that you process your feelings so you can “move on.”

Until next time,

Dalma

Click here to see all Dalma’s posts.

 

Dalma Heyn, MSW, LMSW, is a therapist, author and certified pet-loss grief specialist, who lives at the Connecticut shore with her scruffy, fluffy Havanese, Luna. Dalma graduated from The University of Southern California with a degree in psychology and English, and from New York University with a MA degree in social work.

Speaking and writing about human intimate relationships for so many years brought her to another kind of intimate relationship: the one we have with our companion animals. Dalma finds that many aspects of this love are woefully underestimated, for reasons she discusses here with other passionate readers on this site. Her mission is to shed light on this important reciprocal love–which she believes can transform the inevitable loss of our pets from an unbearable experience to a meaningful and healing one. Dalma is now available for consultations for our members.